Smeebert Funny Status Messages

   Last night I got so drunk I blacked out for two hours, but then I realized I’d just put my hoodie on backwards

   You can get away with anything at Costco if you wear a hairnet

   World Cup Soccer reminds me of poor mans hockey

   To the Maverick detective - Jim Rockford, RIP James Garner

   I told you a million times do not exaggerate!

   We had it all Just like Bogie and Bacall Sailing away to Key Largo Here's lookin' at you kid RIP

   for once I'd like to see "Its been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"

   Just got back from a third world country - I got my box full of Seattle Seahawks 49th Superbowl champions shirt suckers...

   selfies are so last year, this year it's othies

   Why is it a serial killer could be chasing a person thru the airport and no one would even bat an eye

   Well about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie

   Some things need no improving, three stooges for instsn

   Ozzy should not have forgotten to tell Sharon Happy Mothers day

   i can't believe it, Morley Safer tribute was on last week and not 60 minutes later he's gone

   Guess what my doctor said I'm physically fit to become the next president of the United States!

   "My vote is for sale. Anyone want to one up Madonna? I'm taking offers..."

   We are building a fence and I'm gonna make my neighbors pay for it.

   If someone gave me a million dollars to lose weight for one of those weight loss programs I would too

   First time I’ve been up early for Saturday morning cartoons in awhile.

   100th episode of undercover boss is on and your telling me there are still people out that aren’t suspicious of a camera crew filming them at work. Working on my sob story to tell