MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I like to walk around my house naked... Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 08:35 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Telling the cop that you thought the voice in your GPS counted as a designated driver doesn't help your case.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 08:36 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was just hit by a Prius. It felt like I walked into a tree.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 12:47 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to name my dog Curiosity and see what my cat loving friends think about that.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 12:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife called, she said, "2 packages arrived today. The 1st was your PS3 and the 2nd is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours." I said, "You'll be f*cking lucky, I only ordered 1 controller.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 13:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just been fired from my job working on the Pakistani Flood's Crisis Hotline. Apparently telling callers to relax and "go with the flow" was not appropriate.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 14:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon BP has released a statement saying most Gulf residents are not upset with BP because their cleanup crews have boosted the local economy.That's like Al Qaeda taking credit for creating jobs in airport security.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 14:09 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife treats me like a god... She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
←Rate | 08-27-2010 14:10 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I grow up I'd like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
←Rate | 08-28-2010 04:57 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never thought I would be one of those people who get up early to hit the gym every day. I was right.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:51 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon While driving I listen to my music fairly loud until the minute I can't find something I'm looking for. Then there must be complete silence in order for me to see.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:53 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed a lot of people looking at me today and laughing, so I kept checking my fly to see if it was open. That's all it could possibly be because these cut-off jean shorts are awesome.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was making dinner when a pan suddenly caught on fire. I don't know which is worse... the fact that I almost set my kitchen ablaze, or the fact that my first reaction was to move my beer to safety.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 05:59 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finding a wasp in your car is already plenty scary, but I swear the thing was also singing Tupac's "Ambitions of a Rider." Now you're just taunting me, dude.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:33 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know it's too early when you try to put the cereal box in the refrigerator.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:38 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon "You think you're better than me?" No, I don't fall prey to the notion that one person can be 'better' than another. How good a person is, is completely impossible to quantify. I do think I'm smarter than you, though. And infinitely more awesome.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:47 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're really curious whether or not you're ugly, just tell a co-worker of the opposite sex that their ass looks really hot when they wear those pants. If he/she reports you for sexual harassment, there's your answser.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:52 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girl said today, "You shouldn't wear that shirt, it's a fall color." Woman, my clothes have two seasons - clean and dirty.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:54 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 06:58 by MBH Comments (0)  




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