Funny Status Messages Search
Filter On | Filter Off
Search results for status messages containing 'snotty': View All Messages
Page: 4 of 61
X If it wasn't for diarrhea,,, I'd have no rhea at all...
X Accidental death from an overdose of laxatives would be... (remove your shades) ...a shi**y way to die.
X I just misspelled a word so badly,, that autocorrect shut my phone off and gave me explosive diarrhea.
X It's been years since I've had to use "the Schwartz"
X I've signed up to be a ghostwriter when I die
X Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life? Well then by MY calculations,, I died in 1853
X For God's sake! It would be nice if people with lazy eyes would put a Post-it flag on the eye they want me to look at when we're talking... I keep switching back and forth..
X is Good news is,, I got the giraffe to fit in the catapult.. Now who wants to light it on fire?
X I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
X "Undecided Voters" are the same people who also slow down the line at McDonald's.
X When my chatty mom trails me around the store, I fill my cart with condoms, KY, duct tape, rubber gloves, and tequila, singing "Whip It".
X Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
X Every meal I didn't have to cook myself,, is the best meal I've ever had.
X Pull up to the gas pump,,tanks on the wrong side.. Did a u-ie,,Tanks still on the wrong side... I quietly got back in my car and left.
X I think someone used my toothbrush to scrub the toilet because my toilet tastes like toothpaste
X says For softer cookies,,, skip the baking part and just eat the dough.
X Ironically, after their one hit,,, Chumbawumba got knocked down and never got back up again.
X TMZ just reported that Stephen Hawking and Siri are now officially dating.
X Never trust a rabbit or a duck,,, if you want to find out which hunting season it is.
X Been at this farmer's market for an hour,,, Still can't find the guy that sells the smug sense of superiority everyone here has.