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X Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.
X JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".
X Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....
X Everybody is upset about the proposed mosque near Ground Zero. You know there's a McDonald's in Hiroshima, right?
X I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8
X Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.
X I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.
X The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.
X I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.
X The saxophone still hasn't been brought to justice for everything it did in the 1980s.
X Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
X I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.
X Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".
X If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.
X Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".
X Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.
X I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.
X How is it C-3PO is fluent in 6 million languages, yet in none of them can manage to say, "I'm gay?"
X When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?
X Camping out for video game releases is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.