Funny Status Messages Search

X Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2010 15:12 by jdpower Comments (0)

X JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2010 15:14 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2010 15:15 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Everybody is upset about the proposed mosque near Ground Zero. You know there's a McDonald's in Hiroshima, right?

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2010 15:21 by jdpower | Tags: Filtered Comments (16)

X I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-17-2010 13:28 by jdpower Comments (1)

X Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-20-2010 15:53 by jdpower Comments (0)

X I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-23-2010 12:52 by jdpower Comments (0)

X The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-23-2010 17:18 by jdpower Comments (0)

X I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-24-2010 18:42 by jdpower Comments (0)

X The saxophone still hasn't been brought to justice for everything it did in the 1980s.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-24-2010 18:44 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-31-2010 11:54 by jdpower Comments (2)

X I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:17 by jdpower Comments (0)

X If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:19 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower Comments (0)

X Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower Comments (0)

X I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:22 by jdpower Comments (0)

X How is it C-3PO is fluent in 6 million languages, yet in none of them can manage to say, "I'm gay?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-08-2010 15:23 by jdpower Comments (0)

X When two meth addicts go out, is it considered speed dating?

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-13-2010 14:32 by jdpower Comments (3)

X Camping out for video game releases is a fun way to prepare for your impending homelessness.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-14-2010 15:28 by jdpower Comments (0)