totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Whats up this video of a dude with a huge zit on the back of his neck going around facebook?.....I'd rather be stuck at the bottom of "Mike & Molly's" ass pile than have to watch some wonderlick pop a giganic tumor-like pustule!
←Rate | 11-14-2011 00:14 by totalpackage Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now that Bin Laden is polluting the Arabian Sea, I hear the sharks have declared "Jihad!"
←Rate | 05-03-2011 13:21 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still wondering why people were so uptight about that meteor that nearly hit earth a few days ago....It seems to me we are perfectly capable of destroying ourselves without any assistance from an asteroid!
←Rate | 11-10-2011 17:08 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one who gets creeped out at all the solar lights flashing in cemetaries these days?...To me it looks like thousands of corpses are holding up their cigarette lighters waiting for the last song at a Grateful Dead concert to be played.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 01:39 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Researchers have indicated that one anonymous sperm donor has fathered over 1200 children in the past 20 years...Unfortunately for him, he had to retire after he blew out his elbow! ツ
←Rate | 09-12-2011 08:45 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon So it's 12/12/12...not the date, but the IQ's of Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian & Paris Hilton! ツ
←Rate | 12-12-2012 00:43 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have restless leg syndrome and may not be able to stop myself from kicking your ass!
←Rate | 11-02-2011 20:28 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Switzerland's economy was ranked #1 by the World Economic Forum while the U.S. fell to #5.....I guess those little Swiss army knives must be selling like hotcakes! ツ
←Rate | 09-13-2011 01:26 by totalpackage Comments (1)  


   messageicon just got kicked out of JG Wentworth for marching in and demanding my money NOW!
←Rate | 03-25-2011 00:02 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would rather soak my berry's in maple syrup and sit on an ant hill than diddle Arnold Swartzenegger's baby momma!
←Rate | 05-20-2011 10:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think A.D.D. must have been called P.A.K. when I was young because the only thing I can remember teachers yelling was "Pay Attention Kid!"
←Rate | 03-03-2012 11:59 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon This New Years should be the best ever...At midnight I plan on plunging over the "fiscal cliff" with only a party hat, kazoo and a "fiscal parachute" made from 4,000 Sham-Wow's. ツ
←Rate | 12-28-2012 01:34 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow it's hot!.....I'm sweating like a Priest at a Cub Scout picnic! ツ
←Rate | 07-22-2011 16:49 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon had a DNA paternity test done on my dogs new puppies....Turns out they all belong to Arnold Schwarzenegger. ツ
←Rate | 05-25-2011 08:14 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed the storm track seems to be somewhere between the moon and New York City!
←Rate | 08-26-2011 23:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon A huge sink-hole opened up and swallowed a Florida redneck while he was watching TV in his bedroom...If only a few of these were conveniently located under the Whitehouse and Capitol Hill, America might be a better place...Just sayin.
←Rate | 03-02-2013 12:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jeez it's hot again...Today I've opted to wear my Dyson Air Multiplier around my neck!
←Rate | 07-23-2011 16:55 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!
←Rate | 12-03-2011 14:20 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon firing bottle rockets at blue hairs wearing 4th of July Snuggie's!
←Rate | 07-03-2011 16:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, in happier news, I was shocked to step from of the shower and find out I was out of deodorant---so I smeared a magazine sample of Old Spice "night life" under my arms until I get to the store...Macgyver ain't got nothin on me!
←Rate | 12-15-2012 18:30 by totalpackage Comments (0)  



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