paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   A stripper just got mad at me for saying godd@mmit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality

   If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. God I miss college. a moment ago clear

   What where Abe Lincoln's first words after he woke up from a three day bender? " I FREED WHO?"

   I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, sh!t on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me B!tch." I don't own a hamster.

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that

   I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...

   Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR,

   Lady in labor, shouting the usual sh!t, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you f&cker!” He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your a$$, but you said, ‘f&c

   If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

   I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great a$$ and a trust fund.

   Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.

   i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.

   getting to the point where he has to choose between Facebook and having a degree

   behind every strong girl is an a$$hole who made her that way

   you know you've been in a long relationship when you start retiring sex toys

   Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate a&& who owns this phone. Thanks :)

   When gays hack into their gay mate's facebook accounts, do they change the status to, “I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PU$$Y!”?