lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Crack,meth,heroine. All these drugs should be manufactured by pharmacutical companies. That way,no one could afford them.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 03:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Either my memory is getting shorter or the commercials are getting longer. Either way,by the time the shows back on,i've forgotten what I was watching!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 18:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 19:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 07:07 by lemonpillow Comments (8)  


   messageicon ..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 12:17 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!
←Rate | 01-25-2010 09:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really learn how to swear until you begin to drive.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 08:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't..
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading that 'smoking caused cancer in laboratory rats and mice', I have decided to leave my cigarettes on a high shelf, where the rats and mice can't get them.
←Rate | 12-08-2009 16:32 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers
←Rate | 01-22-2010 10:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
←Rate | 01-29-2010 19:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".
←Rate | 02-16-2010 10:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you know if someone has an iPhone? They tell you.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 13:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.
←Rate | 01-12-2013 14:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
←Rate | 02-13-2010 15:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet,I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:10 by lemonpillow Comments (35)  


   messageicon When life gives you melons... you know you're dyslexic.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 07:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  



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