huck Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My favorite part about playing video games is probably thwarting evil. You never get to thwart anything in real life. I like to thwart.
←Rate | 05-26-2013 08:06 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news' annual turkey fryer accident story?
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:03 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm offering a cyber bullying self-defense course at the YMCA where we aggressively close browser windows and switch computers off
←Rate | 12-23-2013 06:27 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:40 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today I went to work w/my clothes inside out and had chocolate pudding and popcorn for dinner. Wife has been gone ONE DAY & I am a toddler.
←Rate | 10-22-2014 19:15 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
←Rate | 11-19-2012 06:05 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
←Rate | 04-17-2014 09:58 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there's something seriously wrong with Eeyore
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:57 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 07:49 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I see a suggestion box, I put in, "Get rid of suggestion box."
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:51 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon FACT: Every zoo is a petting zoo if you’re brave enough.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:19 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard
←Rate | 10-23-2013 01:33 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I’ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die
←Rate | 08-23-2014 06:28 by Huck Comments (2)  

   messageicon My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
←Rate | 11-13-2012 05:45 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon MTV to Ring in New Year With Ke$ha and 'Jersey Shore' Cast. So if the world ends on the 21st, it will at least spare us that.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 06:18 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Airplanes have now banned tweezers. I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 12:14 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.
←Rate | 09-24-2012 06:29 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just assassinated a huge spider with a slingshot and a Flintstone vitamin if anyone's looking for a bodyguard.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 05:49 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
←Rate | 04-26-2015 08:06 by huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing.
←Rate | 07-17-2013 12:20 by Huck Comments (0)  

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