SEAN Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 17:03 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cop with a drug sniffing dog said to me "This dog tells me you're on drugs." I said "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs
←Rate | 04-13-2011 09:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy who invented "Take Your Child To Work Day" probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.
←Rate | 05-15-2012 11:17 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 07:56 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon When talking with a woman in her 30s, it's super important to always pretend to be shocked when she tells you she's in her 30s.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 16:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 16:49 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just watched Jersey Shore for 5 minutes and now I realize why we have to do things like write "do not eat" on dry silica packets.
←Rate | 02-04-2012 08:37 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling "shotgun" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 10:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
←Rate | 05-25-2012 10:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 11:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't help but feel important when someone says there's a special place in hell for people like me.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 08:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Box wine? I prefer the term Cardboardeaux.
←Rate | 08-27-2012 11:40 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.
←Rate | 03-14-2011 15:41 by SEAN Comments (1)  


   messageicon The mirrors in my house have been pretty sarcastic lately.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 16:26 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat's hair grows back.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 15:32 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two things you should never do to a woman is lie to them and be completely honest with them.
←Rate | 01-11-2013 11:38 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, you're telling me my credit score should have three digits?
←Rate | 12-08-2012 09:57 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
←Rate | 06-13-2013 09:10 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn't have borrowed all that money.
←Rate | 01-06-2014 16:54 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your girlfriend with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
←Rate | 02-08-2011 11:47 by SEAN Comments (0)  



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