Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Either my memory is getting shorter or the commercials are getting longer. Either way,by the time the shows back on,i've forgotten what I was watching!
←Rate | 12-07-2009 18:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have.
←Rate | 11-25-2010 07:07 by lemonpillow Comments (8)  

   messageicon Peter Griffin doesn't look so stupid now with his volcano insurance.
←Rate | 04-18-2010 19:44 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon ..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 12:17 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss asked me to take an anger management class today. I told him I was angry enough with management as it is!
←Rate | 01-25-2010 09:21 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon You never really learn how to swear until you begin to drive.
←Rate | 03-16-2010 08:46 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Physicists have yet to explain why 200 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only three registers will be open
←Rate | 11-14-2010 11:48 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you know if someone has an iPhone? They tell you.
←Rate | 09-14-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon These internet scams must make it difficult for legitimate Nigerian officials to share huge sums of money with strangers
←Rate | 01-22-2010 10:42 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
←Rate | 01-29-2010 19:34 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon How do you make a bunch of old ladies say "F*CK!". Shout "BINGO!".
←Rate | 02-16-2010 10:38 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't..
←Rate | 08-03-2010 05:09 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.
←Rate | 10-27-2010 13:45 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm having trouble sleeping. I guess i'd better get up from under my desk and get some work done.
←Rate | 04-08-2010 08:26 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet,I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:10 by lemonpillow Comments (35)  

   messageicon When life gives you melons... you know you're dyslexic.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 07:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
←Rate | 06-04-2010 14:00 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  

   messageicon I said to my girlfriend "Just remember,my grandmother is a bit old & hard of hearing. So speak nicely,speak slowly & speak loudly." I then whispered to my perfectly capable grandmother "My girlfriend is slightly retarded." Oh,what fun I had.
←Rate | 05-19-2010 20:13 by Lemonpillow Comments (3)  

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