Funny Status Messages Search

X If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot." you are wasting everybody's time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-17-2011 18:26 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X At lunch, and just ordered a chicken salad sandwich and an egg salad sandwich to see which would come first.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-19-2011 16:21 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X It's so hot out... the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-26-2011 11:46 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife. And you may ask yourself: Did I remember to clear my browser history?

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-04-2011 19:32 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X I don't run away from my problems so much as I let them go on ahead without me.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-04-2011 19:33 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X I just saw a "Git-R-Done" bumper sticker on a Prius and I don't know what's real anymore.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-04-2011 19:34 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X is If Facebook ever starts showing how many times a person has visited someone's profile, a lot of people are going to have some explaining to do.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-09-2011 01:29 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X set my phone to "Airplane Mode" and it told me not to call it Shirley.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-13-2011 02:11 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon. Kind of makes you proud.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-13-2011 21:54 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X I've fallen down the stairs before. I don't see what joy the Slinky gets out of it. That sh!t hurts.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-20-2011 18:52 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X has one question: Exactly how long are your parents going to hide your acceptance letter from Hogwarts?

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-20-2011 22:45 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-21-2011 21:52 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER) or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). Please re-post to raise awareness."

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-21-2011 21:53 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X My boyfriend doesn't like bacon. I like him a lot, but I don't know how much longer we're going to last.

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-27-2011 12:23 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there! I've killed, like, 15 zombies already! How come they are all holding candy?

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-02-2011 16:45 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X is currently in the planning stages for a hangover.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-05-2011 14:40 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X was pulled over by the cops and they asked me if I had been drinking. I asked, "Why, is there a fat girl in the back?" He said, "Nope, there's two." I said, "Well, I guess I have!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-21-2011 11:55 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Please note that I have obtained Mad Swagger.

<--Rate | Submitted: 11-27-2011 15:03 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Jesus: "Spare the lives of the over 30,000 children due to die from starvation today or help Tebow log a symbolic 316 yards against the Steelers? Hmmm..."

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-08-2012 21:08 by Hot Tea Comments (0)

X Romania's entire government has a complete collapse today and the #1 item on the news is some has-been country singer getting popped for being drunk.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-06-2012 23:39 by Hot Tea Comments (0)