BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.

   Don’t try to rush me while waiting behind me at a Redbox, I will read what every movie is about…twice

   I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I'm going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity.

   How to scare burglars off. First, put pictures on the wall of you with a tiger. Second, put a cat litter box in your hall and sh$t in it.

   How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

   I hate when people take my glasses, put them on, and say, "Oh. You really can't see, huh?" NO s**t sherlock. You don't see other people taking other people's wheel chairs saying, "Oh. You really can't walk, huh?"

   First, love yourself. Everyone else, get in line.

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge

   When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.

   Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?

   Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day.

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…

   Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above

   I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow