BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I hate when people take my glasses, put them on, and say, "Oh. You really can't see, huh?" NO s**t sherlock. You don't see other people taking other people's wheel chairs saying, "Oh. You really can't walk, huh?"

   HOW can dogs sniff out bombs, save a guy from drowning, keep you from walking into traffic, but CANT figure out how to UNWRAP themselves from around a tree!

   There is a big difference between "friend" and "facebook friend"

   Facebook is neat because it provides a platform for me to connect with old friends, make new ones, and figure out which one's are completely insane.

   If you get cheated on over and over & you decide to stay with that person, You're a fuc&in idiot and deserve everything thats coming to you.

   Lazy Rule #19401957294710149: you're so lazy you didn't even finish reading the number.

   Dear radio stations, you do realize there are more than just 5 songs in the world, right?

   I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I'm going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.

   Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends

   ❒Single ❒Taken ✔ Unable to find love because my standards have been set unrealistically high after mentally dating a celebrity.

   Don’t try to rush me while waiting behind me at a Redbox, I will read what every movie is about…twice

   Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.

   First, love yourself. Everyone else, get in line.

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   Who else backspaces their whole password, even if only one letter is wrong?

   Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.

   Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?