BEGO Funny Status Messages

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? I still have to get up and take the disc out. It's like having a remote to open the fridge

   When I was little, I used to watch the raindrops roll down the window and see which one "won"

   No matter what life brings you, always take a lesson from your dog.. Kick some grass over that s**t and move on.

   Don't you just hate it when the person you're Facebook-stalking never updates anything.

   Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?

   Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day.

   Sea levels aren't rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   I don’t have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat.

   Saying “I forgive you” is the kindest way to tell someone: “I still think it's your fault.”

   How come the week always lasts longer than the money you have?

   When advertising your business on the side of your car it’s a good idea not to drive like a complete as&hole

   Yup, My girlfriend went out for drinks with the girls from her work... Can't wait for her to get back and tell me EVERYTHING that's wrong with me.

   Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!

   Just bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.

   That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto-correct is like "I got nothing, man."

   If girlfriend has no texts in their phone history, you are totally being cheated on.

   I hate it when I'm trying to kill a spider but then I lose track of it and I become a victim in my own home