Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Spinning my mouse wheel because that's how I scroll
←Rate | 04-17-2011 14:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
←Rate | 07-29-2010 19:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 19:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon How I eat my ramen: 1. Boil water 2. Eat dry ramen noodle block 3. Drink boiling water 4. Snort seasoning packet 5. Cry myself to sleep
←Rate | 05-18-2011 19:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  




   messageicon I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I'm going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You'll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.”
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."
←Rate | 04-13-2010 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
←Rate | 07-31-2013 16:24 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon as Vice-President of Toyota I would like to say please dial 1800-our-bad.
←Rate | 02-04-2010 18:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?" "I'm too drunk, Officer. You get in."
←Rate | 02-17-2012 20:51 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My vegetarian friend could not understand why I brought a bottle of ketchup on our hiking trip. “In case we get lost.” He's slow. Tasty slow.
←Rate | 01-20-2012 22:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "In this same office, firing you." - Best answer to the "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" job interview question.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 11:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn't even have to happen at all.
←Rate | 09-13-2010 14:59 by Aaron Comments (16)  


   messageicon Nice try speed bumps, it's a rental.
←Rate | 10-14-2013 20:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
←Rate | 11-29-2012 17:47 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a cab driver, I'd whisper "I could have kept you" to passengers before they got out.
←Rate | 03-10-2011 13:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
←Rate | 09-26-2012 10:23 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 23:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
←Rate | 05-05-2013 12:32 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to a concert tonight. Doors open at 7pm, according to the ticket. That's a pretty impressive opening act.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 08:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guess I better get some sleep. I have to get up in 10 minutes.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 14:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  



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