Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon All you get when you pick my pocket is practice...
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I ever saw someone do some of the things I do, I'd be horrified.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 13:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Three midgets walk into a mini-bar.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 11:44 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 14:59 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 17:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
←Rate | 09-09-2010 22:52 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.
←Rate | 03-17-2011 13:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forget everything you know about amnesia.
←Rate | 10-07-2013 18:22 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once had a goldfish that would hump the carpet, but only for about 30 seconds.
←Rate | 08-08-2011 16:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Snuck a bunch of booze into work today using my stomach.
←Rate | 10-19-2010 16:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wonder what tomatoes did to make the other fruits disown them and force them to live as vegetables.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 14:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only you can prevent forest fires, and last year there was over 70,000 of them. What the f**k man. We trusted you.
←Rate | 07-14-2011 01:17 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you havent pissed in 8 hrs
←Rate | 01-22-2013 20:45 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope the word ‘berserk’ appears at least once in my obituary.
←Rate | 07-10-2013 22:08 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you say, "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans," all I hear is, "There's a bear out there who knows how to use matches."
←Rate | 12-14-2011 10:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon All you need is WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
←Rate | 04-14-2012 19:34 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared at the moon for an hour before I realized it was a toenail clipping that had stuck to the window.
←Rate | 07-07-2012 06:04 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when."
←Rate | 07-29-2010 19:40 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.
←Rate | 07-15-2015 21:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I'm going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You'll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.”
←Rate | 03-16-2010 15:53 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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