@UncleBSolomon Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Original Transgender: Titanic Captain: We're short on boats, women & children first. Guy1*coughs*: I identify as a woman. Guy2:I'm a woman too
←Rate | 02-24-2017 00:01 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon A wife is like a box of chocolates, you never know which of her multiple moods you're going to get, you just better act like you love it.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 19:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The lights are dimmed. Sexy music plays. She runs her fingers across my scar. I whisper, "I got that when I fell off the toilet," .
←Rate | 03-22-2017 12:12 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (1)  


   messageicon Boss: Are you high? Me: No, I dont do drugs, it must be the dayquil . Boss: Dayquil doesn't do that . Me: Must be the moonshine then.
←Rate | 02-10-2017 22:49 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon driving to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.
←Rate | 02-12-2017 20:09 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just pressed the Popcorn setting for defrosting on my microwave and it said "wrong button".
←Rate | 03-14-2017 10:27 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is times like this that make me laugh at people from the south.Hurricanes & tornados, people still go to work, Snow, deserted streets and empty grocery stores.
←Rate | 01-26-2017 11:14 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say 50% of #status updates are written while sitting on the #toilet That's why I don't buy used mobile #phones .
←Rate | 12-29-2016 09:11 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth about 9/11: it equals 0.81818182
←Rate | 01-07-2017 14:35 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kicked out of another coffee shop it had a "no wifi pretend it's the old days" sign. So I lit up a smoke & pay 50 cents for coffee.
←Rate | 11-17-2017 00:44 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


   messageicon The opossum, skunk, squirrel and groundhog saw their shadows today, but didn't see the .🚚 that smashed them on the highway
←Rate | 02-02-2017 17:29 by @UncleBSolomon Comments (0)  


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