Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ladies, your man can’t complain about your excessive shopping habit if he has your tit in his mouth.

   That will be the last time they let Carrot Top speak at the White House correspondents' dinner.....

   so, you are what you eat. hmmm That's funny, because I haven't eaten any sexy beasts recently.

   any girl can be cute with the right amount of makeup

   70 years after WW2, and LeBron James has America rooting for the German. SMH, Congratulations Mavericks......

   Am I weird because, I'm just sitting in my boat drinking a beer? Oh I forgot to mention the boat is in the driveway.

   In bed and feeling all giggly. Hehe, cupcakes and boobies!

   Men age like fine wine, Women age like milk.

   You should always be honest and tell a woman if she's got a mediocre pu$$y. It only makes her try harder next time.

   Think's that American Idol should bring back the "Trap Door" just to make it a little more interesting. \o/

   met a girl last nite that charged by the inch... I didn't have enough money but I figured she'd be a good deal for you.

   Why would you try to avoid risks in life? To make it safely to death?

   I hate it when I go to sleep and forget to turn my swagg off.

   It seems this town is full of exhausted plumbers, well that is what I think they are anyway... Their pants are drooping off and their hats are turned sideways.... Take a rest guys

   “You ask.” “No, you ask!” “Will you please ask?” “Why can't you ask?” “Fine… Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!”

   If you're always being cheated on in every relationship you get into, then it's clear the problem isn't them. The problem is in your decisions. You're the one picking them.

   Happiness is an attitude, not a task. Stress is a choice, not an option.

   Question:They say theres a place for everything and everything has it's place. You know the place where Our Troops want to put like a million Military Boots? Answer: Soulja Boy's a$$.

   Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

   My theory on Marriage, Why pay for internet when WiFi is free.