lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   ..is off to spend some quality time with her gf. Be back in two minutes! :-)

   A text from my mate : "I'm guaranteed to shag the missus up the bum this weekend. She's dyslexic and think's it's Vaseline's Day."

   Got a call from my mum. She wanted help with her jigsaw puzzle. I said "Sure thing,just look at picture on the front of the box.". "Its not helping"she said. "Its just a stupid rooster!" "Mum,you daft cow" said. "Just put the cornflakes back in the box."

   so lazy, she'll fight that little stone in my shoe till the end of the day.

   Duran Duran have reworked one of their classic singles for the World Cup. It goes, 'His name is Rio and he watches from the stands...'

   This is a mean,cruel world & I want my nappy & medications right now!

   This Halloween, I'll be handing out those little tiny candy bars. I think they're called bite-me sized.

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   My friend has just been sacked from the jigsaw factory. She's in pieces.

   ..because Chinese New Year and Valentines Day fall on the same day this year,i think i'll celebrate both with a takeaway! How romantic. Lol.

   Eight deaths in one year at a Chinese phone manufacturing plant? There's an App for that.

   Hamsters are really stupid, but, I'm the girl spending money to keep one housed and fed, so, there you go.

   I was injured tap dancing. Broke my ankle when I fell into the sink.

   Friends are like computers : they enter into your life,saves you in their heart,formats your problems & never deletes you from their memory.

   Can't remember the name of the last girl she slept with. It's on the tip of my tongue.

   not a PC and your commercials are getting on my nerves.

   A Bachelor is one who never chases a woman he couldn't outrun.

   ..thinks some people here have the mentality of a retarded turtle. But it's nice to see that monkeys can actually type these days. I knew that £2 a month I was donating towards the RSPCA would come to some good. Keyboard monkeys. Who'da thunk it?