bego Funny Status Messages

   If I was in that Malaysian airplane my wife would find it in 10 minutes..

   Technologically, I'm at that dangerous age. I'm old enough to mess everything up, and not young enough to fix it.

   The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I pay with.

   Just because no one liked your "funny" status the first time you posted doesn't mean you should post it 6 more times.

   Turn on radio*: "shine bright like a-" *Turns off radio

   If you’re in a relationship for sex it’s like buying an airplane for the peanuts.

   Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong damn person.

   You don't even know how many public pools you can get into for free with a bunch of sunblock on your nose and a whistle.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: I wasn't looking at your boobs, I was staring into your heart...no, I lied , your boobs are awesome.

   Whoever put "good" and "morning" together deserves a good slap in the face.

   There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.

   Best part of Halloween is the day after…clearance candy in the stores and drunken slutty pictures on Facebook.

   If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old.

   It's impossible to ruin our friendship with sex. It was ruined the moment you called it a friendship.

   5 words that scare the hell out of me in horror movies, "Based on a true story."

   It is a sad fact that 50 percent of marriages in this country end in divorce. But hey, the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones!

   OH NICE, so you can update your status via mobile, but you can't text me back?

   I'm already sorry for what I'm going to do this weekend.

   I am actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.

   ■Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault.