Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I'll pretend to find you funny if you pretend to like me.

   At what point does the amount of abnormal in your life become so great that abnormal is your new normal?

   You have a face that makes me want to learn karate.

   I'm not a "tree hugger", but I'd like for my grandkids to have "oxygen".

   Trump is the Kanye West of white folks.

   Hot singles in your area want to go through your trash. Never mind these are raccoons

   My reputation as a ladies' man is a joke that has often caused me to laugh bitterly through the ten thousand nights I have spent alone.

   My apartment looks like a tornado sat around all day and watched TV.

   She said there was no spark between us, so I tazed her. I'll ask again when she wakes up.

   If you were mine, your next boyfriend would thank me for straightening your clueless and inexperienced ass out.

   happy 2 month anniversary to my 29 open browser tabs!

   I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.

   I went out for a jog but quickly came back 5 minutes later because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes.

   When reality comes knocking, I make tequila answers the door.

   All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.

   Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths.

   Ladies; Your eyebrows will either make you or break you.

   It takes 17 muscles to smile, 43 to frown and 0 to not give a damn.

   If your bio says “Single and looking for fun” you better be ugly or we'll know you're sp@m. Pretty women don't look for fun… fun finds them.

   If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.