lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   If you're having trouble with using the correct your/you're, just use “ur” because ur a moron!

   When I want to show off my best curves, I smile.

   Egyptian Pres. Mubarak refuses to heed calls to step down. He seems to be in denial--which coincidentally is where his body will be found if he doesn't resign.

   After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it's true calling: helping people wink online. ;-)

   Internet Explorer - the best browser in the world for downloading Firefox.

   My next door neighbour's battery went in his Smart car today. I had to give him a jump start from my iPod.

   I'm never sure what to do with my eyes when I'm at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What's the proper etiquette here?

   We were without phone, TV and internet access for a few hours today. It was terrifying because I almost got some work done.

   My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

   If there are ice cream vans in the summer, why cant we have Starbucks vans in the winter?

   Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the car radio as they trick me when i'm driving.

   Valentines day. Where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.

   First she wears a dress made from raw meat and now she arrives at the Grammys in a giant egg. I can't watch any more. My cholesterol level keeps going up.

   Tomorrow Facebook will change its settings to allow zombies to come into your house while you sleep & eat your brains with a sharpened spoon. To stop this from happening go to Accounts/Home Invasion Settings/Cannibalism/Brains & un-check the "Tasty" box.

   I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool… to poke a Hontas.

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   BBC News: "Ice Cream Company Launches Breast Milk Flavoured Ice Cream". I wonder if they will be doing raspberry nipple.

   It's International Womens Day and I don't know why men are so upset . They have their own day too : Palm Sunday.

   If God had wanted you to talk more than listen, he would have given you two mouths and one ear.

   BBC News: AMERICA TO SEND 2 NUCLEAR EXPERTS TO JAPAN. The last time they sent "Nuclear Experts" to Japan, they killed 105,000 people...