Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   One of my biggest fears is I'll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays

   Ladies, I'm renting myself out tonight, who needs a New Years Eve Date. . .

   Once you go black, that frost bitten toe's gotta come off

   So she married one of the seven dwarfs But divorced him shortly after when she realised he wasn't actually happy.

   Life is give and take; I give and you take, probably.

   I'm pretty sure my guardian angel is in therapy for PTSD.

   Any amount of toilet paper is a butt-load of toilet paper.

   I now identify as someone who is disappointed in everyone. I don't care about your bathrooms, I am just gonna pee where I want.

   That awkward moment when you see a commercial for "Designated Survivor" and wished it was reality.

   Interviewer: You responded to my question too briefly and you were hesitant. Me: I was thinking how stupid was your question!

   Never owned a single pair of shoes in my life. I just keep renting them from the bowling alley.

   When I was young I kept asking myself what I wanted to be when I grew up. Now I know the answer: I want to be young.

   people.with over attitude mid- finger salute..!!:D

   saying of course, the Squirrels!! gotta save the Squirrels..those flying ones are some cool gliding rodents

   No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He's been feeding off "I Don't Like Mondays" for 30 years.

   so busy , in fact I have more on than a redundant stripper.

   Thanks for tagging me in that picture, but nobody needs to know that side of the story...k-thanx

   the victim of the rules he/she lives by!

   heading down to Fraggle Rock.....