Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon ..sold her tv and bought a dvd player. Bargain! Oh..wait..
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:31 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've figured out how to avoid getting parking tickets;I've taken the windscreen wipers off my car.
←Rate | 11-09-2009 03:03 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon There was a near tragedy at my local shopping centre recently. A power cut left four blondes stranded on an escalator for almost five hours.
←Rate | 11-08-2009 03:27 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? So she didnt wake the sleeping pills.
←Rate | 11-07-2009 07:01 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my psychiatrist the other day if she thought I was crazy. She said, "No", so I put the flamethrower down.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 21:21 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Recession: when your neighbor loses his job. Depression: when you lose your job. Recovery: when Gordon Brown loses his job.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 12:47 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was shopping with my little niece. She asked if we could go to McDonalds. I joked "If you can spell it,we will go there." She then replied "Nevermind. Let's go to KFC instead."
←Rate | 11-06-2009 07:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Exercise programme: Take one Weetabix. Take an Aero chocolate bar.Crumble the Aero over the Weetabix. Voila. Aerobix.
←Rate | 11-06-2009 02:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Last week,i did a bit of stand up at an old folks home. Tough crowd. They wouldn't answer my Knock-Knock jokes until I showed some I.D.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 18:02 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..hates getting junk mail on how to enlarge my penis,especially since i'm a girl. But I have,however, forwarded them to my boss. Maybe that will cure the little pr*ck.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 12:17 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon ..just quit her job washing cats. I hated it! I could never get the fur off my tongue.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 05:57 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon 100% of all divorces are caused by marriage.
←Rate | 11-05-2009 05:07 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..a recent survey shows that 9 out of 10 men prefer big boobs. The 10th man just prefers the other 9 men.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 20:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..walked into a butchers and saw some meat hanging from the ceiling. The butcher said he'd give me $100 if I i could jump up and touch them. I said "no" and he asked why. I said "Because the steaks are too high."
←Rate | 11-04-2009 19:55 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been thinking... If poison goes out of date, does it become more or less deadly?
←Rate | 11-04-2009 15:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon My grandmother has false teeth. I can't believe a word she says.
←Rate | 11-04-2009 08:36 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..was reading the bookThe Dog That Never Dies. She couldn't put it down.
←Rate | 11-03-2009 19:19 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Escalators never break down, they just turn into stairs
←Rate | 11-03-2009 16:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon glad she has pajamas with pockets. Now she doesn't have to hold things while she sleeps.
←Rate | 11-02-2009 23:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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