Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 38 of 6387
April Fool’s Day was suspended this year due to all the unbelievable crap going on in the world right now.
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04-18-2022 21:50
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White Claw tastes like a canned fart.
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04-19-2022 13:11
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Never hint to a printer that you’re in a rush, they can smell fear.
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07-18-2022 01:26
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Do you think that sand is called sand because it’s between the sea and the land?
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07-21-2022 05:08
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We're much safer from the climate because we're richer: Climate expert
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08-08-2024 01:48
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I can’t work today, there’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation. Boss: You can’t skip work just because the sun is out.
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06-17-2022 02:43
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Pretty sure we’re at that point in the game where everyone just rolls the dice in quiet disgust while waiting to be completely wiped out.
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06-27-2022 03:08
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Sometimes I think I’m too picky, then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
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07-21-2022 05:06
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I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.
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03-18-2022 03:31
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If I knew I’d have this many brain cells left, I would have partied a little harder in my 20's
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05-24-2022 09:40
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Movie Theater: No outside food or drinks. Me: Burger King Whopper and fries jammed in my coat pocket.
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05-24-2022 22:54
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Busch beer came out with a bone broth beer for dogs. I’m in!
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05-24-2022 22:56
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Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip Cookies are the reason I have trust issues.
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05-26-2022 15:24
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More accurate names for what’s being called “fact” check. Semantics check, agenda check, narrative check.
Elon Musk didn’t buy a social media platform, he bought a crime scene and all the evidence.
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01-10-2023 02:02
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A licking machine built a Purdue University takes on average 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. Random Mom: Where does one buy said machine? Asking for a friend.
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06-20-2022 03:29
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Being yelled at by a self-checkout machine is so humiliating. Everyone can hear you getting lectured by a little robot.
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05-14-2022 03:28
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Han Solo: Han open carries, hates trade regulations, tax fees and Imperial overreach. Be like Han.
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05-14-2022 03:30
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Biden aides find second batch of classified documents at new location, my goodness.
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01-12-2023 01:25
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Need some advice? Go read a book, read several, it’s free. You’re welcome.
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05-23-2022 02:09
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