Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 38 of 6387

   messageicon April Fool’s Day was suspended this year due to all the unbelievable crap going on in the world right now.
←Rate | 04-18-2022 21:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon White Claw tastes like a canned fart.
←Rate | 04-19-2022 13:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never hint to a printer that you’re in a rush, they can smell fear.
←Rate | 07-18-2022 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you think that sand is called sand because it’s between the sea and the land?
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We're much safer from the climate because we're richer: Climate expert
←Rate | 08-08-2024 01:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can’t work today, there’s a huge ball of fire emitting deadly radiation. Boss: You can’t skip work just because the sun is out.
←Rate | 06-17-2022 02:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty sure we’re at that point in the game where everyone just rolls the dice in quiet disgust while waiting to be completely wiped out.
←Rate | 06-27-2022 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I think I’m too picky, then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
←Rate | 07-21-2022 05:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve spent more time in Facebook Jail than they gave Smollett.
←Rate | 03-18-2022 03:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I knew I’d have this many brain cells left, I would have partied a little harder in my 20's
←Rate | 05-24-2022 09:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Movie Theater: No outside food or drinks. Me: Burger King Whopper and fries jammed in my coat pocket.
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Busch beer came out with a bone broth beer for dogs. I’m in!
←Rate | 05-24-2022 22:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Raisin Cookies that look like Chocolate Chip Cookies are the reason I have trust issues.
←Rate | 05-26-2022 15:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon More accurate names for what’s being called “fact” check. Semantics check, agenda check, narrative check.
←Rate | 05-28-2022 01:40 by Freebird_99 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Elon Musk didn’t buy a social media platform, he bought a crime scene and all the evidence.
←Rate | 01-10-2023 02:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A licking machine built a Purdue University takes on average 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop. Random Mom: Where does one buy said machine? Asking for a friend.
←Rate | 06-20-2022 03:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being yelled at by a self-checkout machine is so humiliating. Everyone can hear you getting lectured by a little robot.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Han Solo: Han open carries, hates trade regulations, tax fees and Imperial overreach. Be like Han.
←Rate | 05-14-2022 03:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Biden aides find second batch of classified documents at new location, my goodness.
←Rate | 01-12-2023 01:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Need some advice? Go read a book, read several, it’s free. You’re welcome.
←Rate | 05-23-2022 02:09 Comments (0)  




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