BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them

   I once took a girl to Starbucks because I forgot her name

   I can party much longer than my cell phone battery.

   I hope popcorn appreciates what the microwave did for its career.

   Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.

   Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago.

   Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

   Nothing like sitting back and watching the people who stabbed you in the back fall apart.

   The closest friends are the ones that know too much.

   I have a lot of friends practicing law without a degree. They all want to judge me.

   Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world

   If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.

   How are you feeling today? Like a tampon. In a good place... At the wrong time.

   Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.

   i don’t understand why people need to do drugs or party in order to have fun, have you tried mac n cheese

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.

   "Please don't put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby

   People dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just hold their phone over the plate, snap a picture, & then upload it to instagram .

   I guess it's "No Pull Out" season. Almost every chick on Facebook is pregnant.

   If the government fails to raise the debt ceiling and stops paying their bills, I will stop paying mine, fair is fair