Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I turn the radio down when I drive by cops so there's no evidence of fun.

   A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

   If my roof ever catches on fire, I'll have trouble not repeating myself when I call 911.

   I may be addicted to brake fluid but I can stop at any time.

   I find it helps to organize chores into categories: Things I won't do now; Things I won't do later; and, Things I'll never do.

   My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.

   I don't think you understand how far up the f**k you need to shut it.

   What I just did in that bathroom was so tragic that when I walked out, a Native American turned his head as a tear rolled down his cheek.

   Evidently that good samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.

   If it isn't less than I'm doing right now, then it's hardly the least I can do.

   Ever have one of those days when you just want to go home and take a long hot bath with a small electric kitchen appliance?

   There is an official UN appointee for First Contact should aliens arrive. I can't believe I didn't get that job.

   I like really dark movie theatres. That way, I don't have to buy my own popcorn.

   Filling out a job application. Under 'Military Experience' I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.

   My three unwritten rules : 1. 2. 3.

   I listened patiently for you to make a noise but you never did. Reluctantly I had to admit you were right, it was a bottomless pit.

   I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.

   I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.

   Funny Headline: "Red Tape Holds Up Bridges"

   # # When it comes to poker...a good deal depends on a good deal.