Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them… it’s not chocolate! 🐰🐣🐇

   Co-workers are like string lights. They all hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.

   One day I would like to turn on the news and hear, “There is Peace on Earth.”

   They should just make the Tupperware spaghetti colored right there at the factory.

   Don’t pick a fight, but if you do find yourself in one, I suggest you make damn sure you win.

   A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

   Dear social media platform, it’s not your job to fact check our posts. You’re a platform, not a publisher.

   That look your boss gives you when you request April 20th off.

   “See you in hell.” Are you asking me on a date? I accept.

   Dang Gurl, are you an appendix? Because this feeling in my gut makes me want to take you out.

   Censorship is why Twitter is at the bottom of Dante’s Hell.

   Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

   Be the person no one was prepared to deal with.

   I may be as pretty as an angel, but I sure as hell ain’t one.

   I’m in BIG trouble if people find out I don’t really have Tourette’s.

   If you’re being heckled in public like Mike Tyson was, you should legally be able to kick that person’s a$$. This generation thinks they can get away with anything.

   Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like mixed vegetables with freezer burn.

   How does it feel to be so weak that mere words offend you? Your ancestors must be so proud.

   Just deleted everyone that I wouldn’t fist fight in a KFC parking lot. So, if you’re reading this, don’t let me catch you in a KFC parking lot.

   It’s okay to be sad after making the right decision.