lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Paddy and Murphy walking down the road when Paddy finds a mirror He looks at it and says, "I'm sure I've seen this man before!" and then passes it to Murphy. Murphy then says, "You stupid idiot! That's me!"

   Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

   ..wonders what the best thing was BEFORE slice bread came along.

   I was just told that it takes three sheep to make one sweater. Wow. Thats shocking. I didnt know sheep could knit.

   ..thinks having bags under your eyes is no big deal. It's finding the shoes to match is the real problem!

   Bachelors know more about women than married men, that's why they not married.

   Only Robinson Crusoe had ever everything done by Friday.

   Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films."Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."

   The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old, I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.

   Disrespect: Giving someone half the peace sign without suggesting they are number one

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   I'm a lesbian and i'm ok. A butch all night and a femme all day.

   The National Eczema Association are currently fundraising. They've just launched a scratch card.

   ..is in negotations with Vancouver. They're desperate for snow and she's sick of it.

   If George Washington never told a lie...then how did he get elected?

   My therapist just prescribed all new meds for my March madness.

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   Patience is the ability to let your light shine after your fuse has blown

   Just call her the Carpenter's Special: flat as a board and never been nailed.

   I drew a gun. He drew a gun. I drew another gun. Soon we were surrounded by lovely drawings of guns.