Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Why is Chris Brown's nickname Breezy? Shouldn't it be 'Bruisey' instead?

   My girlfriend wanted a Cinderella-themed birthday party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my place!

   Don't hate me because I'm single. Hate me because you are married.

   Our relationship is so special we will not cheapen or desecrate it by putting it all over Facebook.

   Lawyers do this cute little thing where they say "retainer fee" but they really mean "BJ".

   Ladies; loving your husband comes down to 2 simple points. 1. Accept his flaws. 2. Point them out when losing any argument.

   Keeping me happy is simple, don't mess with my food.

   I asked her to take me somewhere I have never been before and she took me to church. :(

   This girl just gave me her number but it's only 6 digits. I am not sure if she's playing games or just retarded.

   That uneasy moment when you work at Subway and have to make a girl a sandwich.

   Without coffee and alcohol, we'd all hate each other a whole lot more.

   One time at a job interview, I was asked: "What can you bring to this company?" I told them: "paper clips, lots of paper clips"

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.

   Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

   Don’t trust everything you see. Even vodka can look like water.

   Dear old love: I used to fantasize about you dying so that I could be single again. I'm so glad I decided to leave you instead of waiting for you to die.

   8 out of 10 men don't understand women, the other 2 want to be them.

   Ladies: If your guy gives you his jacket when you are cold, he expects you to give him sex when he's horny.

   Don't do drugs; they can mess up your finances. You can save some money and get the same effect from just standing up really fast.

   I'd kiss you right now but my breath would make you instantly drunk!