BEGO Funny Status Messages

   That annoying moment when you're waiting for a text & you get one but it's from the wrong person.

   If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn't succeed either.

   Sometimes, I throw clean clothes in the hamper because I'm too lazy to fold them.

   Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I'm about to be murdered.

   It's amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone.

   When I have money, I have nothing to buy. When I don't have money, I want everything.

   Money means nothing to me. If you don't believe me, ask me for money. You'll get nothing.

   Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow' will end up pissing on 'today'.

   Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.

   I met a cute girl in the tampon section, so I asked her if I could take her out in 5 to 7 days.

   Text this to someone: I just love making you check your phone for no reason, who's my bi$ch? You are.

   Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.

   Why yes, I will be getting drunk tonight! Thanks for asking!

   The three phases of love: 1. XOXO 2. XXX 2. EX

   I'm pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people's fights.

   Some damn people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   Screw it, I'm starting Friday now.

   She said "Every Kiss begins with K", I said "To bad Ugly begins with U"

   Facebook is the ultimate weapon of couples' distraction and relationships' destruction

   I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.