Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I have always been suspicious of Wendy's hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.

   My personal workout routine would include jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck & carrying too much weight on my shoulders.

   Single guy "I can't do anything right." Married guy "I can't do anything, right?"

   People think I'm sleeping in this tent to see that stupid Twilight movie, I'm just first in line for Black Friday.

   To find Waldo, you must first find yourself

   The original plan for Mount Rushmore was to have them all making out with each other.

   Harry Potter and the Soul Crushing Responsibility of Adulthood.

   glad to hear the penicillin worked. Better luck next time..

   Hey! I said no pickles! That's it...I wanna speak to the frigg'n McManager!!!

   14-year old Becky writes "Stop wars" as her Facebook status. It gets nine "likes", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.

   "Siri, what are the side effects of Valium?" I mumble into the tv remote.

   If the Mayans have taught us anything, it is that if you don't finish something, it's not the end of the world.

   The first time I got drunk, I threw up in a neighbor's silverware drawer. I just closed it and never looked back.

   I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud

   First 5 people to like this shall receive a hand crafted statue of me wrestling an invisible bear.

   An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

   One in two people suffer from chronic suspicion. Could it be the person you're with RIGHT NOW??

   I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.

   "Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi

   in the mood to push someone down the stairs hit them over the head with a fire extinguisher then bury the body under the garden patio