BEGO Funny Status Messages

   So I made up a new word: Ask-hole; someone who constantly asks for your advise then does the opposite of what you told them.

   A good way to breakup with your girlfriend is to introduce her as your ex girlfriend at parties. It softens the blow.

   No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .

   Missing someone has been proven to cause insomnia. Being frustrated because you’re without that special someone keeps you awake.

   Some girls are like community colleges... Even if you're not the smartest guy, you probably still get in.

   McDonald's should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

   If Facebook has proved ANYTHING, it's that the love of your life is someone you've never actually met.

   If I had a nickel for every time a girl said, “I'm Over him, I deleted his number & deleted him off Facebook” & then their back together the next day.

   Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is easily the worst thing to happen to President Lincoln in a theatre.

   I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.

   Why does everyone say my name like it means “Shut Up”?

   Faithful on your wall, but cheating in their FB inbox.

   "Single" doesn't always mean available, just as "in a relationship" doesn't always mean happy!

   My relationship with my Ex was very psychological...she's psycho and I'm logical.

   Do you remember your parents telling you when you were bad, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" Those were the good ole' days

   If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.

   Everyone seems normal until you get to know them

   Instead of “lol” I put “lsimhbiwfefmtalol” Laughing silently in my head because it wasn't funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.