Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   I do understand women, but I don't know how to explain them to you.

   Coffee makes the world go round; love only populates it!

   I can never invite the neighbors into my house because they might recognize their stuff.

   We are about two elections away from deciding President by monster truck rally or burping contest.

   Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.

   Steven Tyler's mic stand has so many scarves on it that I always thought he was just screaming at Johnny Depp and trying to strangle him.

   Has anyone told you how fuckalicious you look today?

   Today I opened the door to the supply room and a gay Chinese guy jumped out and yelled "supplies!"

   I helped my neighbor move a super heavy couch last night and he didn't even thank me. That's ok, his wife thanked me on it today. Twice.

   You're not an alcoholic; you're a soberphobic.

   Coca-Cola contained Coca (cocaine) from 1885 to 1903, today the company uses a 'secret' ingredient to keep it product addictive.

   Baby we complete each other. I'm the typo and you're my autocorrect.

   Think inside the box. The best ideas happen during sex.

   My life is just a series of flight or flight responses.

   Could you just make my paycheck out to the liquor store? Thanks.

   I wonder how many women refuse to date me because my hair is better than theirs.

   I think I've managed to weird myself single.

   My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD Bin at Walmart.

   There is nothing wrong with making the same mistake twice as long as you admit it, apologize and accept that you're stupid.

   I wonder if business people know they don't have to talk about business at lunch.