Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Support the fine arts, shoot a rapper.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 16:54 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some call it stalking. I call it love.
←Rate | 08-25-2010 17:12 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Habits, babies, and promises. All are way easier to make than keep
←Rate | 08-26-2010 13:43 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never going to grow up. I'm just going to stop hiding what I do from my parents and start hiding it from my kids
←Rate | 08-26-2010 13:49 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:01 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are more opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harass old ladies and supermodels than argue with motorcycle gangs.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 08:44 by lemonpillow Comments (1)  


   messageicon Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet,I have to watch and make sure it dosen't come back, zombie style, with revenge in it's tiny heart.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:10 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stepping in some water barefoot in the kitchen, not so bad.Stepping in some water with socks on, bloody catastrophic.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:22 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet the homeless are really nice people. They never wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:24 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry,Mr. Wasp,but I had to kill you. You're too stupid to see my kitchen window and kept smacking into it. And too stupid to see me trying to help you. Stupidity isn't acceptable in my household. You had to go.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 11:48 by lemonpillow Comments (7)  


   messageicon ..is drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:33 by lemonpillow Comments (4)  


   messageicon My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 13:35 by lemonpillow Comments (6)  


   messageicon Don't reach for the stars. You'll just look like a idiot stretching for no reason.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 17:28 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you fail at your first two attempts to parallel park, move on.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 13:20 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see someone using a payphone I always think they're arranging the ransom drop off.
←Rate | 09-01-2010 13:26 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do repairmen never have the part they need to fix something and say they'll come back in a few days when they get it? It's like a cop showing up to arrest someone and saying "Oh sorry. Looks like I'll need handcuffs. I'll be back in few days with them
←Rate | 09-02-2010 02:17 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
←Rate | 09-02-2010 13:13 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear about the new magazine for married men published by Playboy? It has the same pictures month after month after month after month after month....
←Rate | 09-04-2010 07:46 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never buy a car you can't push.
←Rate | 09-04-2010 14:25 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  




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