Funny Status Messages

   Today is the day we remember there is evil in the world......

   I hate rich people who think they are above and better than the poor and middle class,hey people when your gone they'll use manure on your grave just like mine

   never thought he'd be staring at boobs on sesame street….sweet.

   I'm going to open my own Walmart... Every register will be manned... A bouncer at each front door that will not let "THE PEOPLE OF WALMART" come in. And the slogan will be "Get yo' sh@# & get out."

   was so surprise when I was born that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

   hates people who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

   Warning for all you weekend basketball league playing guys: Be leary of the guy who smacks you on the butt and says "Nice shot, man!" when you didn't even take a shot...

   am I the only one who gets the urge to kick small children when I see them walking really slowly in front of me?

   Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Chattanooga TN. For your own safety head to Neyland Stadium in Knoxville, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......

   who you love is a reflection of how you love yourself...

   The irony, I was conceived on a pull out couch...

   Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, You couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure..

   Fake eyelashes are okay if they look natural, but some of you women look like you gonna take flight if you blink too fast.

   To the virgin bellow; Maybe its those crocs you wear.

   I'm done looking for a woman, ladies quit sending me your numbers please and thank you.

   ATTENTION ANYONE UNDER 25: There was a time Ice Cube was the baddest rapper on the planet. No, seriously. Stop laughing. It’s true.

   What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.

   ♫Refract light like a diamond! Refract light like a diamond!♫" - If Rihanna went to science class

   Vodka infused marshmallow peeps. Perfect for adult Easter baskets.

   My notifications say i'm being followed by 23 people on here. I wonder how many are Police?