Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're moody most of the time on Facebook, I assume you're run out of Marijuana.

   old enough to remember when MTV wasn't just a camera someone left on in a trailer home.

   Never say never......or too much......or schumoblagaghadazjy, because that's hard to pronounce and doesn't mean anything.

   Headline: Justin Bieber Wears Women's Jeans. I beg to differ, that headline should have read: "Justin Bieber Wears Men's Shirts"

   I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

   I know KARATE and like 2 other japanese words.

   What idiot called it “home for the holidays” and not “an aunt infestation”

   Being know as a instigator, I'm gonna add "Being thankful we survived Obama' to the thanksgiving blessing just to get the fun going.

   Dance like your microwave isn't watching

   The busiest person at the White House is whoever has to update the office contact list.

   The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin

   Dear Government, disco died, please update your hold music.

   I am addicted to updating my Facebook status. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right??

   an alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

   has been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog...

   If Microsoft made actual windows,our houses would be full of thieves and prostitutes.

   told his Mom she should get on Facebook and she said she's been putting on makeup for 40 years and doesn't need a book to tell her how to do it.

   thinking whomever that came up with the Have A Happy Period ad campaign is an idiotic, 45 yr old virginal man, raised in the wild, by wolves.

   nice perfume....must you marinate in it?

   Today is the day we remember there is evil in the world......