bego Funny Status Messages

   Ronald McDonald has to retire because he is making kids fat? Really? So kids are driving themselves to McDonald's now?

   Insanity is doing the same thing over & over again & expecting different results. In other words, I just logged into Facebook.

   I don't leave voicemails because I know they aren't listened to. Yet, if someone calls me and doesn't leave one, my first thought is that it wasn't important enough for me to call them back.

   I'm only a morning person on December 25th

   Adele is pregnant. Can't wait for her next album where she writes 17 angry tracks about diaper changing and crying babies

   It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years

   Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douchebags, and then complain about it

   Whenever you're feeling down, remember, you're the sperm that won.

   If Facebook ever shut down, you'd see people aimlessly walking round streets, scribbling on walls, poking each other, searching for their friends, thumbs-upping and commenting at everything they see and tagging one another.

   I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I MISS ATLANTA" so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

   People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with “lol” should be damn shot.

   What's the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you've fooled me, what's behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?

   WARNING: Asking people about their weekend may result in them telling you about it.

   According to my shattered iPhone screen, I had a pretty awesome weekend.

   Some kids think they are so smart when they get behind a computer... Bi$ch, I have email accounts older than you.

   Well, with no shave November, Halo 4 and Black Ops 2 this month, I'm predicting teen pregnancy will be at an all time low

   I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

   If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with..I shouldn't be telling you this..

   I'm not single. I'm in a long standing relationship with fun and freedom.

   My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.