Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Here's an idea: Let's put the MSM in quarantine for 30 days to stop the spread of Fake News.

   such an adrenaline junky that when I see a 'caution wet floor sign' I walk faster

   if at first you don't succeed, won't hurt to smoke some weed

   I saw a nun on a wheelchair today and I could think of is.... Virgin mobile

   Dont let those people hurt you when they call you fat. Just keep your chins up!!

   Dont Bring Skittels To A Gun Fight

   Vick is abusing those cowboys worse than he did his dogs

   This girl came up to me and said she recognized me from vegetarian club. I think she was mistaken. I'd never met herbivore.

   Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Crap. I'm a dog

   rip joe paterno - his glasses will be donated to science and studied to see if they allow you to see anything!!

   roses are red, violets are blue...valentine's crap is over now don't you have some ironing to do?

   Don't think I know half of my FB friends....Who the heck are you people?

   Stop reading this and go have some sex

   Adele's ex-boyfriend and Gotye's ex-girlfriend should totally hook up.

   Antifa .. same party, same tactics, different hood

   I can't believe they remade the Pink Panther movie and changed the name since it stars a b|@ck guy instead. It is just pathetic how blatantly unoriginal Hollywood has gotten these days.

   Dear women, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest eat a banana.

   That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....'I've got nothing man.'

   I wished I loved anything as much as white folks love saying "gracias" in Mexican restaurants.

   Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!