Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   In this lifetime you either win the Triple Crown or you get tendinitis. You can't have both.

   Never has there been so many energy drinks yet we've never been more tired.

   Great, I was already depressed and and alone, and now. just before bed my toothpaste had to fall off of my toothbrush.... still single

   Just told a cardboard box to "p!ss up a rope," so that's where I'm at as a person today.

   so Irish he bleeds whiskey.

   Just farted myself out of a dead nap, so yeah, you could say I've got sexual dynamo on lockdown!

   I don't think we can be friends if you're not mentally & physically prepared to play my gen!tals like a naughty game of "Bop it".

   I break out into so many random, and quite frankly, brillant dance moves in my kitchen I'm shocked I'm not StepUp-famous.

   Hopes he doesnt black out, cause this is awesome!

   Heard they let some women into that fancy Augusta golf course. There is no shame in that. This is America, nobody likes a sausagefest.

   Hey! Idiot! 74 hashtags is good for your instagram picture! No...not 2 or 3...74.

   Promiscuous wizards often get staff infections. bippity, boppity, BOOOOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN

   thinking about smashing my face through this screen and becoming Seal for Halloween

   Hey Old Navy Mannequins, stop trying so hard, you're embarrassing yourself.

   Just realized that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a reindeer.

   #OccupySesameStreet 1 bankers' corruption! Ah ah ah! 2 big too fail! Ah ah ah! 3 million foreclosures Ah ah ah!

   Girls get so weird when you ask them to make a wittle baby in their tum tum... still single

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   i played "draw something" in my early 20's way before it was an app. we called it "what shape should we cut this line of cocaine into?"