Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating now,& apparently it's getting serious. Kanye is who she wants to spend the rest of the month with.

   Alcohol preserves everything except secrets.

   The only reason I drink is to celebrate not being dead.

   Well sir, I doubt everyone will be so upset my desk is "infested" with caterpillars once the office is "infested" with beautiful butterflies!!

   All I know is that Facebook causes a pile of laundry.

   Even the devil shakes his head at people that put raisins in cookies.

   Sorry for drunk texting last night. And this morning. And right now.

   In the history of earth, no woman has ever successfully changed a man yet they keep trying to this very day.

   I wonder if Sarah Palin can see the Olympics from her house.

   When I hear the phrase 'going viral' I automatically assume herpes is involved at some point.

   What a great time to be alive. If this was 100 years ago I might randomly catch polio, get drafted to fight in WWI or be someone’s slave.

   Alcohol was created as a social lubricant, to make men brave and women loose.

   Would it be ironic if you died in the living room?

   Fellaz: Tell her she's ‘beautiful' instead of ‘hot'. She's a woman, not a temperature.

   "Sure, why not" - Nicolas Cage being offered any role for any movie

   He banged Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Cinderella. So how is Prince Charming any different than any other playa?

   What doesn't kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren't good enough for death.

   Warning Ladies: Alcohol may cause the following side effects: 1. Compulsive giggling. 2. Delusions of awesomeness. 3. Temporary lesbianism.

   when the sun hits your laptop screen, and you realise it has enough dust to start your own desert.

   earth has people who have done great things like go to the moon and discover pizza then it has idiots who have spent money on selfie sticks.