Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   where there is a Will,there are 500 relatives!

   best all time combos...peanut butter and jelly, ham and cheese, batman and robin...ALCOHOL AND FIREWORKS!

   "You shouldn't compare yourself to others they are more screwed up than you think."

   Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man affected kids, we'll all be around darkened rooms munching magic pills, listening to repetitive electronic music.

   My definition of urgent and yours must be different. Answer this, IS IT ON FIRE?

   I may have been born without the "wait, you shouldn't do that!" gene.

   Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."

   a true smarta$$ and can be quite b*tchy at times too - but it's my natural defense against stupidity!

   I was watching 20/20 and they had a feature called "Bait Car" where people attempt to steal the car but the doors lock and the engine shuts off. I wonder if they sell a "Date Car?"

   I'm worse at doin my best

   a smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

   really a sensible girl, it just so happens she came in a dorky package.

   You know what they say,so I wont tell you

   Does running out of money count as exercise?

   If you're in the mood for a little disappointment & looking to be unsatisfied, sexually or intellectually, give me a call. I'm free tonight

   I think facebook was originally invented by pharmaceutical companies as a way to create 50 million new insomniacs overnight and boost Ambien sales. Zuckerberg just took all the credit.

   "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos

   Monday. What a horrible way to start the week.

   saying Cray Cray makes me want to stab you in the fay fay.

   My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ...