Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you're in the mood for a little disappointment & looking to be unsatisfied, sexually or intellectually, give me a call. I'm free tonight
←Rate | 07-21-2013 07:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think facebook was originally invented by pharmaceutical companies as a way to create 50 million new insomniacs overnight and boost Ambien sales. Zuckerberg just took all the credit.
←Rate | 07-29-2013 10:06 by gil Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's not you, it's me." -Twins looking at some family photos
←Rate | 08-03-2013 10:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monday. What a horrible way to start the week.
←Rate | 08-05-2013 10:11 by mc fazzerino Comments (0)  


   messageicon saying Cray Cray makes me want to stab you in the fay fay.
←Rate | 09-10-2013 13:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ...
←Rate | 12-20-2012 20:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its the end of the world as we know it, but I feel fine
←Rate | 12-21-2012 10:07 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're absent during my struggle, don't expect to be present during my success.
←Rate | 12-21-2012 21:01 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes I'm that a$$hole who refuses to stand up and clap in a room filled with people standing and clapping.
←Rate | 12-22-2012 02:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live my life without regrets, except for that one time I said "I do."
←Rate | 12-29-2012 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids
←Rate | 12-31-2012 14:42 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started off 2013 right by hitting the gym bright and early, mainly because they wouldn't cancel my membership over the phone.
←Rate | 01-01-2013 17:47 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you've had a lot of lovers doesn't automatically mean you're an ideal one.
←Rate | 01-13-2013 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies please stop looking for a man to sweep you off your feet, there are no brooms that big.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 11:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If sex is the only basis for your relationship, make sure it's good enough so that you never have to talk.
←Rate | 01-23-2013 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you ever see me lying on the side of the road, do me a solid and pause my iFit...
←Rate | 01-23-2013 19:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never understood the big deal some people make when they clean house and say "you can eat off the floor"...on any given day, there's enough food on my floor to feed a small family...
←Rate | 02-05-2013 19:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I admit women are hard to figure out. Like, why do you tilt your head in pictures??
←Rate | 02-10-2013 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not stalking if she doesn't know
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've given out the same candy for over 5 Halloweens now. It's a Jolly Rancher... on a string.
←Rate | 10-31-2012 13:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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