bego Funny Status Messages

   Congratulations! You've won a lifetime supply of air! Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.

   If I've learned anything from listening to world news, it's that the world is full of countries I've never even heard of.

   [ ] single. [ ] taken. [X] I get about as much attention as a white crayon.

   When someone sends you a text that says “call me”. Why didn't you just damn call me?

   The worst = telling an awesome story and realizing halfway through that you should not be telling it to that person.

   I gave my boss a nick name. Everyone thought it was funny. Unfortunately "The Troll" was behind me and heard everything.

   I once had a life … then some idiot came and told me to make a Facebook!

   i didn't really change.. I just got tired of pretending..

   Not feeling pain does not make you strong. Strength comes from feeling pain, dealing with it, getting over it and moving on.

   sometimes when I'm bored I lay on my kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb..

   You don't need a $500 camera to take a photo of the bathroom mirror.

   Girls ignore nice guys, Chase a$#holes, Then they have the nerve to complain about it..

   Facebook is daycare for adults.

   When I say "I won't tell anyone", my best friend doesn't count.

   Mom: If all your friends jumped off a cliff would you do it too? Me: If all parents used that same metaphor would you use it too?

   To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies. Not s?uts. Sorry.

   Do I really need a 3ft receipt for buying a coke and a pack of gum?

   The people who wear Bluetooth headsets always look like the people least likely to ever receive phone calls.

   Dont let your daughter wear makeup at 10, date at 12, wear provocative clothing at 14 and then wonder why she got pregnant at damn 16!!

   Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to