Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Do people that go outside know they could die and stuff?

   When I'm all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I'd never let that scenario become a reality.

   Sometimes when I want to kill myself, I remember I have other personalities to consider. I'm thoughtful like that, always thinking of others.

   I like to peel all of the labels off of my pill bottles and just write "surprise me" on them.

   I'm running out of people I can tolerate!

   God, grant me serenity to accept that most people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile and the wisdom to realize murder is illegal.

   Google+ is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It doesn't know it's dead yet.

   The first thing I do in a relationship is panic.

   Told my wife today she looked sexy with black fingernails Now she thinks I slammed the car door on them on purpose !!!!!

   Relax... You'll only be sore for a few days.

   Dont treat your lady like rubbish or another man will just recycle her

   Maybe Aliens have not visited us on earth yet because they're all females and they want us to make the first move.

   “Listen here, we are watching the movie together for the first time, I also don’t know what that guy is going to do with the gun” - Every man watching a movie with a woman.

   My relationship with pizza is the only relationship that has never failed me.

   What doesn't die when you kill it? A relationship.

   Q: What would happen if the earth rotates 30 times faster? A: Men would get their salary everyday and women would bleed to death.

   If I were a spider, I would spice up my résumé by listing myself as a web developer.

   The best thing about being an Atheist is that no one watches you masturbate, unless you want them to.

   Alcohol poisoning must suck. I can't imagine what it's like being poisoned by the one you love

   4-year-olds can be a pain in the ass. 4-year old nice: “Why don’t you wear makeup?” Me: “Because I don’t need to. I’m a boy.” 4-year old nice: “Do you enjoy being ugly?”