oregon Funny Status Messages

   Do you think America will get so LAZY that we will have "Spray on pants."

   Dear Mr Sandman ~ I think you lost my address for some reason. If you want to bring me a dream you can deposit it in my bank account!!

   It is safe to cook a turkey from the frozen state. The cooking time will take at least 50 percent longer....... REDNECK COOKIN

   A friend said lunch tomorrow and lets go "DUTCH" So I showed up with my DUTCH oven ready to go..

   I went to the store to buy a Hallmark card that says " So sorry you are unemployed and homeless" I am crossing my fingers that you get your house back, sue the bank and never have to work again.

   I took one of my wife's vitamins this morning if anybody wants to go shoe shopping or ask my opinion on curtains, call me

   Are you worried your not getting any phone calls? #1 Place cell Phone on silent. #2 Wait about 1 hour you should get at least 10 missed calls. #3 For the heck of it now turn volume to loudest

   I have the new Weight Watchers fridge...At midnight my fridge no longer lights up inside. My Flashlight is also out of batteries!~~THE END TO MIDNIGHT SNACKS!~

   BORED so Pretending to water my fake plants.....

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report because I already have a inferiority complex.

   Obama to visit Disney World on Thursday. I guess they are planning on expanding and hiring more people or he just wants another vacation

   It's Labor Day weekend and I am still deep in LABOR.......

   Personal Foul......Holding.......and Unsportsmanlike Conduct Sorry I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."

   To see my family over the holidays I have an appointment book. Just so there is no fender benders.......

   Some days for me it's like I start off making an omelette but in the end it all ends up scrambled eggs......

   A couple got married at a Mental Institution recently ..kind of crazy?

   There is a new Flu Shot for the Window 8 computers

   Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?

   They are out hunting Duck at the protective wildlife refuge. Who is protected me or the wildlife?

   BREAKING NEWS: The Groundhog is wanted in 25 states stretching from the east coast!~