goodeolboy Funny Status Messages

   I had a falling out with a co-worker when he found out I slept with his sister. We're cool now. He is even teaching me Spanish. Now I can order steak(Soy un idiota que tiene sexo con las vacas). Thanks Javier!!

   Funny how some women will spend over a hundred dollars for products to clean their face, yet purchase the cheapest toilette paper to clean their A$$.

   Shout out to the guy in drive thru who went against the man, and gave me THREE packets of Ketchup for my large fries.

   Just nailed the "She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys.." part on Hotel California.....don't judge

   Family Rule: Always give the first pancake to the person you dislike the most in your household.

   My auto-correct has the education of a free year old.

   After the first of the year, my healthcare plan will be a Band-Aid and a prayer.

   at Walmart buying pajama jeans for Thanksgiving dinner.

   Not judging at all, but if you have a mullet in your commercial, you might want to update your advertising.

   The 1960's were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The Flying Nun.

   Did a law pass that I don't know about which requires all minivans to go 15mph under the posted speed limit on AM freeways?

   "For the last time woman, it's an ACTION figure!!!"

   Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

   (Possible post if Facebook was around in 1979) Busy day today. Me and the boys are riding all over town on our bikes. Later we'll be at the lot playing Hot Wheels, so hit me up if you're in.

   Cause nobody says, "Slow down, theres a security gaurd!"

   Today's Pet Peeve: Overachieving seat belts.

   Dear Parents, do your job, and quit having other people make your decisions for you. Buy your damn kids a dog without posting for likes. -The Whole Damn Internet

   checked in at The F-in Catalina Wine Mixer.

   That 1/4 mile of blindness, before the defrost kicks in...

   You know you've made a serious vocational error, if you're covered in blood, crap, or oil by 6am.