Y.P Funny Status Messages

   ‎- My missus was so sick this morning........That I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast....

   -- Liking your own facebook status is like a bloke congratulating his hand after a w**k!

   -- I come from a long line of Conga dancers.....

   -- I lost my watch earlier, I would have looked for it but I just didn't have the time......

   I used to see this girl across the road from me. She would get naked for me each morning it was great. But now she closes her curtains.

   Sky News "Tree Falls On Bank" Does anyone happen to know what branch ?

   -- I was playing golf with my missus the other day..She is absolutely horrific at driving and much better just using an iron the whole time. .....As for the golf she wasn't that bad......

   I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way. Through the driver's door.

   I'm not saying my girlfriend is thick, but we had a gas leak and she put a bucket under it.....

   First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has...

   - I saw an article in a magazine titled, "10 ways to make your wife come".........I didn't bother reading it though...... I'm too f***ing busy searching for 1 way to make her go......

   --- I hate farmers, the're always spreading sh*t

   -- The most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position... The husband sits and begs for it while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

   - I've just written a song about a Tortilla......Well I guess it's more of a Wrap....

   Feels sorry for skinny people, I know this girl who is so skinny that she has to run around in the shower just to get wet....

   - I can't believe we only managed a draw against a sh*t team we should easily have beaten........I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.....

   • I've just been told that the invisible man and a ghost are going to have a fight... But I just can't see that happening.

   My girlfriend has a cracking body. .... I think it's eczema.

   - I heard my mates's girlfriend say to him..."You'd be fitter if you exercised you lazy f**k".....I could't help myself interrupting and said to her...."You'd be a lot f**kin fitter if you were your sister"....

   - I just don't like the look of my hands.....That's why I always keep them at arms length.