Stevielea Funny Status Messages

   In a crowded room I like to let out a silent but deadly fart then shout "do I smell popcorn" so everyone gets a good whiff!

   You know what's beautiful? Read the first word again.

   Whomever has my Voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks....I'm in public!

   Don't you hate it when you think you see a good parking spot but then you turn the corner and Stuart f@&k!Ng little is parked there.

   Part Of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "don't listen to that guy... He's drunk."

   Having a bad day?? You could be a siamese twin attached to a gay brother who has a date and your the only one with an ass!

   I'm busier than a cucumber in a woman's prison!

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. For skills I possess when shaving my nuts that I could apply to other aspects of my life!

   Thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, then realized it said "THICK CUT"

   Thank you for all your kind messages on my birthday.....and thank you Facebook for reminding them.

   "Can I get a coke please?" "Nope is pepsi ok" "Do you do updog?" "What's updog?" " Not much...and no pepsi is not ok".