MDS Funny Status Messages

   ..nothing up here, try further down the page.

   A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!

   I was looking out the window when my wife asked what I was staring at. I mumbled, "Must be about 32C out there..." is that the temperature? she asked "No! the neighbor lady is sunbathing topless" I replied

   *REMEMBER ...Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and a spade.

   My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the 'praying mantis' position and she tore my head off

   Remember the theme song from the Adams family?.. trust me, you will all day ;) dabba-da-bump *snap*snap

   My doctor said that jogging could add years to my life. I didn't believe him at first, but I went this afternoon and I feel ten years older already

   Nelson Mandela is dead. he has done some simply stunning things in his lifetime, my favorite was his performance as Red in Shawshank Redemption.

   my wife got mad at me because I ate all six Klondike bars, but it's only obvious that she wasn't willing to do what it took to get one ;)

   He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.

   Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I'm older than the Internet.

   Justin Bieber's music is actually really good!...Once you turn the volume down all the way.

   The US is ranked 25th in math scores...this isn't any surprise to me, our elected leaders can't even ballance a budget.

   'Nelson Mandela dies at 95' Respect where it's due... That's 5 miles an hour faster than Paul Walker!

   *Breaking News: North Korea's scientists claim to have developed a time machine. Translation: They figured out how to make a clock.

   Apparently there was a big misunderstanding yesterday, between me and the cute little Japanese girl that was cutting my hair. as I explained to the officer, How was I suppose to know what she meant when she asked me if I'd like a "brow job".

   Men have "The Man Cave", but, when polled what the female version should be called the #1 answer was "The Maxie Pad" with "The Kitchen" and "The Laundry Room" coming in 2nd and 3rd respectively

   I walked out to get the newspaper this morning and the neighbor had already picked his up.

   Winds up to 108 mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...sure is making this texting while driving a real challenge.

   Waking up to Monday is kinda like the Mayans being right.