Heather25 Funny Status Messages

   You ever fire up your leaf blower and blow your neighbor's chihuahua down the street??

   convinced there is NO functional family. Every family has a relative they would prefer to keep kidden. If you think your family doesn't have one...it's YOU.

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people, "Alright, get in the basket."

   thinks that if you see someone healthy parking in a handicapped zone, when they exit their car, you should be able to make an honest person out of them!

   Coffee's poured? Check. Facebook's running? Check. So far so good. Now I'm ready for the day to go to hell as usual.

   I have a computer, a vibrator and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?

   These pills aren't addictive - I've been taking them for years.

   You are so funny, but looks aren't everything!!

   The first rule of becoming a ninja is to make loud unnecessary noises when you hit things!!!

   The Only Gracious Way To Accept An Insult Is To Ignore It. If You Can't Ignore It, Top It. If You Can't Top It, Laugh At It. If You Can't Laugh At It, It's Probably Deserved. ;)

   When your ex says: "You'll never find someone like me" you are supposed to turn around and say: "God I sure hope not!!"

   The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

   When a cop asks you, "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"

   The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

   Was playing air guitar and ripped her spandex while doing a mock stage dive off the sofa!!

   The best revenge is success, or laxatives in cookies. ;)

   I respect you so much I salute you with 1 finger!

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   I just saw a commercial where every line at Walmart was staffed with a cashier. It's amazing what fantasy you can create on television!

   Sometimes I open the fridge and stare at the contents for no reason at all.