Fazzella Funny Status Messages

   Kat Denning's b00bs are the life preservers which save 2 Broke Girls.

   After watching the Olympics Opening Ceremonies last night, I'm going to say it'll be pretty safe there for the next two weeks. Even terrorists and Zika carrying mosquitoes are feeling sorry for Brazil.

   Bill Clinton also woke up in a White House built by sl@ves. Okay, Monica didn't actually build it nor was she a sl@ve, well sorta...

   I thought that Pokemon Go was a facebook app that encourages Jamaicans to use the Poke feature.

   May every one of your life's ups and downs...occur in bed.

   Here in America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

   I saw a science show on how we're merely energy sources who come back as other energies in subsequent lives. I can see it now, I'll be a 9 volt battery in a transistor radio from the 60's tuned to an Elvis only station.

   Pokemon Lives Matter

   Psychologists and Psychiatrists need their heads examined.

   KFC Announces The Hillary Special: Two Fat Thighs, Two Small Breasts, One Chicken Neck and a Left Wing.

   And They Want $15 An Hour: "Welcome to McDonald's." "Can I get a half dozen chicken nuggets please?" "We only serve 6, 10 or 20 piece." "So you don't sell half a dozen chicken nuggets?" "No sir." "Okay, I'll take the 6 piece."

   The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia.

   You have to figure that Shaquille O'Neal never signs greeting cards "Love, Shaq" because that band the B-52's came out with that song and pretty much ruined it for him.

   Okay so plus size is in. That lets me out. I'm calculus size.

   There was a time when I, you know, wouldn't go "down" there...I suggested my girl trim it into a dinosaur shape. That's how my parents got me to eat chicken.

   Indi@n people win spelling bees, Jeopardy championships, and collegiate scholarships. They know everything...except the existence of deodorants.

   When exactly do young chicks become old hens? Just asking for my wife and her clucking friends.

   It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One you will see after a while, whereas the other, you will see them later.

   Pot Roast. Two of my favorite things.

   If Hillary wins the White House, I'm moving to a country that will be considerably more safe: Yemen.