FADOLO Funny Status Messages

   If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end on a call, we would have no friends.

   I just finished washing a load of paper plates if anyone's wondering about my bank account balance.

   My car runs on gas.. Not friendship. So pay the f*ck up.

   Fast way to MESS up someones Knock Knock joke? "It's open."

   You sit quietly under a needle for hours getting a tattoo but if I touch you with my ice cold feet you let out a bloodcurdling scream.

   FYI: If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour!

   I'm currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It's called b*tches and hoes.

   Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Niki Minaj.

   Dear M.Jordan please start making condoms. So these n*gas will start wearing them.....

   Got high and let my dog drive us up to Taco Bell. Now he's argueing with the officer that the traffic light wasn't red but gray.

   My face wakes up 3-4 hours after the rest of me.

   HoodTranslations101: "I'm chillin tonight bruh" - My current financial situation will not allow me to partake in the festivities tonight.

   Lil Wayne = 5% Black 95% Tattoos.

   People, put a dollar in the jar every time you masturbate. Trust me on this. {Sent from my yacht}

   Charles Barkley's head looks like an Angry Bird.

   Gas is dropping...we must have secured an oil rig in the middle east...

   It's Fathers Day 2mmrw... Ladies plz don't start bashing the whole male species! If ya baby daddy ain't sh*t, you picked him!

   Just got "I <3 U" texted to me. Of course I also think one is less than three. Idiot.

   After 2 million years in existence, the pinky finger reveals its true purpose: supporting the bottom of our phones.

   I'm looking for a LeBron James sort of relationship. No ring and I can disappear when you really need me.