DYLAN BOSCH Funny Status Messages

   best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup; the best part is remembering the name of the person sleeping next to you.

   I do not understand how a phone that starts your car can be a selling point. If someone steals your phone, they not only have your car, but more than likely your facebook, which let's face it, is scarier than losing a car.

   Google and Me, it's like we finish eachother's sentences."

   Misunderstanding one word can make all the difference - like the time my girlfriend said that she'd like me to splurge on her occasionally."

   Everytime I drink I break my "No" button. Yes, I want another drink. Yes, you can take me home. Yes, I'm sure I can drive. Yes, I will dance on the bar."

   I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make me think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"

   When moving walkways in airports warn me to watch my step because, "The walkway is coming to a end", my first thought is "I'm moving 2 mph, that is ridiculous." Then when I get to the end all I can think is "Oh crap, I better not mess this up."

   The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

   you know you've been going to alot of bars lately when you walk into a local McDonald's to buy a burger and accidently hand the guy at the register you're I.D."

   Why Did Donkey Kong even bother throwing barrels? Why not let Mario get up to his level and then just beat the sh!t out of him?"

   Having a wireless mouse makes it way too tempting to throw it across the room when my computer gives me trouble."

   I don't know if I Should be mad at you or my phone.. because when you called me under "Restricted" my phone didn't use your specific ringtone. so now I'm stuck talking to you!!"

   if Osama really did believe that he was getting all those virgin's after death,.. umm.. then why the f*ck was he hiding for ten years?"

   you know you're totally screwed when the guy who stole your identity begs you to take it back."

   it says on my sidebar on facebook.. "Many of people who like Lindsey Lohan also liked Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" Oh no, that can't be good.

   If you didn't hear it with your OWN ears or see it with your OWN eyes, don't go passing it on with your OWN mouth!"

   The true test of inner strength is finding both stalls occupied."

   maybe Disney should start having there girls sign contracts before making them famous. Like, "I Promise I will not be America's next pop wh*re if I get this part..."

   You know college has changed you when you see your 6 year old niece drinking out of a red plastic cup, and you scream, "Don't drink that... juice." Oh.

   I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water... it's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."